FaceTimes and Flights: an Interview on Navigating Long Distance Relationships

I am one of many college students who are currently in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend, Ed, is a senior physics major at Auburn University in Alabama. We have quite a few miles between us and even an hour time difference. Over the past few years I learned that long distance is certainly not for the faint of heart, but there are plenty of ways to get through the hard times. Unfortunately, when we began doing long distance, none of us had anybody close to us who shared this experience, so we went into this completely blind. However, we’ve definitely gotten the hang of being in a long distance relationship, and we’ve been able to see what does and doesn’t work well. I interviewed Ed, a long distance relationship professional, to get some insight on his perspective on long distance as a whole, advice he’s received (some good, some questionable), and what he thinks works in terms of long distance relationships.

What's the strangest or most out of pocket someone has said to you about long distance?:

Some of my aunts and cousins just couldn't comprehend that you go to school and live in New Jersey and that I didn’t meet you at Auburn… Other than that I can't really think of anything too crazy. Actually, my one friend is four hours apart from his girlfriend, he would say ‘Man that was hard, I can't imagine doing 14 hours’ and that would always make me laugh. Nothing too crazy though, thankfully.

What's the best advice you've been given about long distance?:

Some of my friends are also in long distance relationships, they told me in the beginning that if it's the right person it's worth it. It sucks but it's worth it, and I think that’s very true.

Do you think the distance makes our relationship different from other relationships?:

Yes, I would say that it makes the little bit of time that we get to spend together that much more special and the conversations that we have over the phone are more meaningful because when we aren’t together that's our only form of communication. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and I do think that's true. I would say the biggest thing is probably that being long distance makes the time I spend with you more special and I really value the memories that we get to make in our bits of time together.

Most people get to see their significant others often, how do you deal with not being able to see me too often?:

Being busy is definitely a big part of it, having things to do gets me through the day. If I was just sitting around missing you it would be a lot harder. It gives us more to talk about, too. Talking on the phone every night is a big part of our relationship right now, having something to talk about is important, even if we just have silly stories about people the other person doesn't know we give each other the whole backstory and it’s nice. I like that we make an effort to make each other feel included, it shows that we care and that we want to be included in each others lives that way.

What’s your favorite way of “being together” from so far apart, besides phone calls?

I would probably say Snapchat, it’s nice. I don’t really Snapchat anybody but you and I like that I get to see your face throughout the day and keep up with you in a way other than texting. Also just knowing each other's schedules and staying involved, knowing what you're up to makes me feel like I’m a part of things when we’re apart.

We’re busy people, how do you handle our schedules and our time difference?:

Even though it's only an hour time difference I'd say it's a noticeable difference, I always think about nights when I have to call you kind of late and how it’s even later for you. A big part of that and being busy is that I know you need time to do your work and your jobs and see your friends and take some time for yourself because you do so much, and you know the same thing about me. For some people it would be easy to say ‘So and so is doing this and not talking to me’ and hold a grudge, but we have a kind of mutual respect where we understand that being 14 hours apart and in different time zones and even slightly different phases of life is difficult and we understand that we do different things. I know that we can’t be talking or together all the time, but we still make time for each other. It’s the little things. There was one night in the fall when you only had a few minutes when you could talk, and those few minutes were worth it when I was fully expecting to not be able to call you that day. Knowing you were able to set aside a few minutes reminded me that you care and wanted to talk to me.

What do you remember most about visiting me at college for the first time?

I remember sitting at the Atlanta airport for four hours and being delayed, missing my train, and having to Uber. I really didn’t think I was going to get there but thank goodness I did. I was just happy to spend an extended period of time with you that first weekend, there’s nothing like getting to spend 60 to 70 hours together uninterrupted. I also loved meeting your friends from school. It was the little things that we’ve always done on our own that we were able to do together at school that weekend, like watching football and things like that, it was really sweet.

What is your favorite memory from our time together? What do you think mine is?

Oh man… that’s like asking me to pick a favorite child. My gut is telling me to say dancing to “Callin’ Baton Rouge” at semi. I mean all of semi was fun, but I remember nobody else was on the dancefloor but us and it was special. With us knowing each other off and on since high school I’ve always wanted to be able to go to an event like that with you but we never did back then, so I think that was really special for us when we finally got to do that together. I also loved seeing the snow in February when I came up since I don’t get to see that down here, but that can’t compare. Dancing to that song with you is definitely my favorite one to look back on.

I think yours is that night on the ferris wheel in Long Beach Island together? That was such a fun date. Was that the night I won you that stuffed animal at Fantasy Island? We did so many different things that night, it was so nice outside, the sunset was beautiful and I know you love a pretty sunset. We were talking about that the other night and I know you loved that, and it’s one of my favorites too. Or maybe it was semi, you’re making a face I feel like I was wrong. I don’t want to be lame and say the same thing as mine but I do think that one might be up there for you too. (I do love the night he was talking about at first but turns out our favorite memory is the same one, mine is also dancing together to “Callin’ Baton Rouge” at semi.)

What is the best advice you would give someone in the same situation?:

The day I find somebody in the same boat as us… oh man. Two of my friends started doing long distance after we did. I told them to trust that even though things won't always happen on your timeline, they will always happen on the timeline they're supposed to. In my perfect timeline we wouldn't have to do this, but I live my life by controlling the things I can. I know I can't control this but I look to the future when this isn't the case. But I would also say to focus on the now. I always say I'm excited for the future and not having to do long distance anymore, but what I have right now is being able to Snapchat you all day and FaceTime you every night and visit from time to time. I’d tell them to try to enjoy those things because it won't always be like this, we'll gain some things but also lose some things like our phone calls and being so excited to spend 48 hour weekends together. Also obviously communicate, if you can't tell somebody how you feel, even though telling someone in person is easier than over the phone, it's important that we’re honest about our feelings and that leads to a healthy relationship. And I think that we’re really good at these things and it’s working for us.